The Abnormalities of a Teenager's Diary
by Neon Rouge
Summary: My life is a constant battle between Sanity and Insanity; I have a secret inclination that Insanity shall prevail - Sakura creates a whole new meaning to the term 'Expect the Unexpected' How? Through her belated diary, of course. AU crack diary, SasuSaku


**A/N: **_Woot! _

_New story alert. New story alert. _

_Ahem_

_I hope you guys like this belated, crackity idea of mine. I have ALWAYS wanted a diary series, now that I had gotten an angst and humour I wanted a crack diary._

_A very crack diary._

_Preferably with lots of shirtless Uchiha males involved._

_...Or not?_

**Dedication:**_ My overloaded brain with it's desire for the chocolate that it will not recieve._

**Disclaimer: **_This message will self-destruct in five seconds._

* * *

I lifted my silver-edged sword with a mighty yell, and swung it valiantly at the persistent goblin in front of me. It hissed at the pain of the cold metal slicing it's sickly green flesh and lifted a hand to it's gaping wound, blood flowing heavily from the gash. Suddenly, the goblins eyes flew wide and it's knees gave way, allowing it to drop onto the floor with a final shriek.

The minute that the goblin dropped dead a flaurescent, blue light flooded from my form and onto the ground around me, I lifted my sword and sheild as I felt myself become stronger, people passing by stopped to watch me gain more power.

And then a window popped onto the screen.

_Congratulations,_ y_our character, £m3rld£yes, has just gained a level. You have advanced from level 19 to level 20._

On the screen in front of me, my hunter did a victory dance.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"YES!" I punched the air with a clenched fist, my lips curling into a grin.

"Sakura-chan?" My mother called from the foot of the stairs, strawberry-patterned apron wrapped around her waist snugly.

"I'm coming." I replied, sliding my feet into my slippers. I got off my computer chair with a small jump and bounded out of my room; implying that I was in a good mood, not bothering to close the door behind me.

Kaa-san smiled warmly as she caught sight of me approaching the stairs. She had her arms behind her back in a suspicious fashion, I raised an eyebrow at this and continued to descend the stairs cautiously. "You've got my present there haven't you?" I said with my eyebrow still raised as I pointed a finger at the crook of her elbow.

"Congratulations, honey." My mother enveloped me in a warm hug when I reached her, the present -which felt oddly hard and rectangular- jabbing me in the back. "You're finally 16 and almost an adult." She -finally- released me from restrictions of her arms, the smile still on her face, I felt a little quesy.

She held out the present to me -which really was rectangular- a hopeful look accompanying her kind features. "Happy birthday, Sakura-chan."

I took the present from her, my head nodding absentmindedly, eyes focused on the bright-pink wrapping paper binding the object and keeping prying eyes from the actual object cacooned inside the flaurescent paper. Slowly, I started unraveling my gift, freeing it from the wrapper almost expectantly. My eyes were wide with a somewhat child-like innocence.

And then there was just one last scrap remaining, I tore it off expectantly.

And in my hands I found a book resembling a notebook, a padlock binding it closed.

I looked up at my mother with a blank look on my face, mouth opening and closing cluelessly; somehow making me resemble a goldfish. "Ummm...er...thanks?"

She smiled and held out a tiny, red key, I stared at the object before slowly taking it, my mother's smile widened."Let's go have some cake now."

**

* * *

**

_The Diary of Sakura Haruno_

_(**A belated gift from my mother)**_

**_Date:_** Monday, July the 8th, two thousand and freaking eight.

**_Time/Place:_** Bedroom, 2 a.m. Can't sleep, stop looking at me like that.

**_Subject:_** My life is a constant battle between sanity and insanity, I have a secret inclination that insanity shall prevail.

Dear Diary,

Oh EW, did I just SAY THAT?!

Is this all my mother could come up with? A DIARY?

And just to let you know (Oh wait, you're an inanimate object. Shit...) this is actually the day AFTER my actual birthday, I was just too lazy to get off my ass and write in this... thing.

So, since this is a diary I'm supposed to tell you how my day was, right?

Here goes then...

OHMIGOD. How could he DO this to me?! He said he was coming along with his parents (dear friends of mum, they are.) but, guess what. HE STAYED AT HOME CLAIMING THAT HE WAS TIRED.

I mean, come on, I spent two hours on my makeup and six hours starving myself so that I coudl fit into that oh-so-tight-but-ever-so-sexy thong of mine. Ergo I am severely pissed.

Does he not realize the emotional trauma I experienced whilst having to throw the mini-snicker bars in the garbage can?!

'Cause I sure do. The stomach has suffered considerably and is on strike after being deprived of chocolate.

Mmmmm...Chocolate...

Nnnngh, shut up brain.

Anyways. I can not believe him! I mean, he didn't even give me his present. I mean, that evil...spawn of evilness and all that is malicious (and delicious.)

I mean, honestly, that voice should belong to an angel, not an asshole like him.

An uberly smexy asshole...

Excuse me while I go update his shrine.

_**

* * *

**_

_**Date:**_ Monday, July, JOUR NUMERO HUIT, 2008.

_**Time/Place:**_ 8:30 p.m. In bedroom, just got back from beach after recieving amazing suntan.

_**Subject:**_ Operation Self-destruction is underway. I kid you not.

**_Ten Individual Reasons as to Why My Life as Haruno Sakura Sucks_**

_**1. **My brain needs to shut up._

_**2. **The love of my life is a total jerk._

_**3. **Said love of life has never acknowledged my existence in the worst possible ways._

_**4. **Thongs_ hurt.

_**5.** Ino hasn't stopped calling me for the past fifteen minutes._

_**6.** I am not going to answer her._

_**7. **The dress I was supposed to wear at my party tore in half five minutes before the actual ceremony._

_**8. **My only tube of mascara left has gone all clumpy._

_**9.** My hair is naturally pink and people will probably never stop asking me where I got my hair-dye from._

_**10.** There is a huge pimple on my chin which refuses to evaporate._

_-_

I bet you guys are under the impression that my life sucks, right? Well, it does and it doesn't. Namely because my-boyfriend-to-be will not acknowledge the fact that we are soul-mates, no matter how many times I ask him out (It's sort of a if-people-keep-telling-me-that-I'm-crazy-then-I-might-actually-start-to-believe-then thing, right?)!

And plus, I love my best friend, I really do, but she needs to SHUT UP! Or I might have to open that big mouth for her and shove a sock in it if she doesn't too soon.

And then again, I got my hair cut (!) and IT JUST LOOKS SO FREAKIN' AWESOME!!

Must. Look. In. Mirror.

Oooh, I really do look awesome!

Anywayz, on to the real story: my life.

So I visited the beach with the gang right; you know, Ino, Temari, Tenten and Hinata? Yeah, them. And then when we visited the kiosk for some drinks (the heat had finally gotten to us) and guess who was there!

Yet again realization has hit me like a ton of bricks; you're an inanimate object.

It was da Smex God!

In all his glory (!)

And he actually said hi when I said hi back!!

But that's not what was amazing (ish)

The guy was S.H.I.R.T.L.E.S.S.

I'm ecstatic.

And bored.

Ecstatic and bored.

I think this is what Lee would call 'the springtime of youth(!)'

* * *

'_Blargh' _Is Ino.

'Blargh' Is Sakura.

**_

* * *

_**

**_Date:_** If it's the next day then what do you think?

**_Time/Place: _**7:36, Ino's place.

**_Subject:_** And I qoute when I say this; part-time job finding is troublesome.

Ino called me at approximately seven, I woke up very startled at the sound of 'Sexy back,' which is the personal ringtone Ino assigned to herself on my mobile.

_"Ino," I growled as I spared the clock on my bed-stand a glance._

_"Good morning my honey!" She said cheerfully, I heard a loud BOOM on the other end of the line; I came to the conclusion that she was cooking._

_"You have fifteen seconds, starting-" I was interrupted from my bored monotone by her moaning._

_"But-"_

_"Now."_

_"Come to my place, we need part-time jobs before all the good ones get snagged!" Ino said in an alarmingly fast voice for someone who had probably woken up at 6 a.m._

_"Well... That certainly was quick," I stopped my mental counting and blinked a few times in a half-baked attempt at clearing the sleep from my eyes._

_"Just get over here," She said with a sigh, I could hear a faint beeping; I decided against asking her what she was doing making smoked ham this early in the day._

_"And Ino?"_

_"Yes sweetheart?"_

_"Don't set anything on fire, please."_

_**-Click-**_

I had to beat down flames, throw out Ino's definition of 'pancakes' and all in all have a grand ole' time the minute I set foot in Ino's house.

Not a very pleasant experience, she did burn the coffee, you know.

_Hey!_

Ino? What the heck are you doing?! This is MY diary!

_You're supposed to help me with the applications for the jobs._

Speaking of jobs, why do you always leave it to me to clean up your room and put out any fires you've caused, WITHOUT waking up your parents?! It's not my job to be your personal slave, you know.

_Because you're the only one who can do it, now help me out with these applications, or do you not want the job of working at a spa?_

Fine, fine. But only because you've got the chocolate poptarts here.

_Now hurry it up, or I'll put you in the sauna with all those creepy old people for an hour. With maximum heat._

You are going to get PAID to do that.

_Technicalities._

_**

* * *

**_

A/N:

Tell me if I should continue, through -ahem- reviews of course.

_So that means you'll do it, right?_

_-Pinky_


End file.
